About Trouble

I am Trouble… Please note the Capital ‘T’… Unlike other people who describe themselves as “trouble”, I am not being ‘cute’ or facetious… “Trouble” is tattooed on my stomach… It is a warning to anyone who gets close enough to read it…

The amount of time spent with me is directly proportional to the level of trouble you are likely to find yourself in.

I am: Shaved, tattooed, pierced, intelligent, pragmatic, witty, sexy, horny, cool, interesting, indifferent …and horny.

I am not: Easily intimidated, pretty to look at, modest … or delusional.

This is my island in the sun, my people have no tan-lines… I like it that way… So lose the clothes.

Do not visit me without bringing gifts… I accept cigarettes, hand-puppets and young girls with nice asses… You may lay them at my feet.

I do not take myself seriously…

Favorite punctuation mark: I love the ellipsis… That would be “…” <— that thing… I know how to use it correctly… I just choose not to …

Favorite movies: Porn … and anything with Milla Jovovich killing stuff.

Favorite music: Whatever is playing in the background or on your car radio.

Favorite books: Second hand … At least one other person thought it was worth reading.

Favorite drink: Vodka Martini shaken … not fucking stirred. Use Stolychnaya or Smirnoff … or suffer the consequences.

Favorite possession:

[...it's a cock-ring, okay?]