Things to do before I’m dead

This list is a work in progress

Growing/ Milestones:
[x] Master this ‘potty-training’ thing
[x] Eat solid food
[x] Wear spiderman underoos in public
[x] Wear big-boy underwear
[x] Get an Atari 2600
[x] Sneak some beer when Dad is not looking
[x] Play doctor with next-door neighbour Tanya
[x] See my cousin’s boobs
[x] Accidentally set fire to backyard
[x] Survive beatings for getting drunk, playing doctor, spying on cousin and setting fire to the backyard
[x] Get chicken-pox
[x] Have my head shaved by my Auntie
[x] Spend 10 days in a basement in Uncle’s house in Canada with Chicken-pox in every orifice …and a shaved head
[x] Play doctor in basement with cousin’s best friend Meagan
[x] Give Meagan Chicken-pox
[x] Survive beatings when Uncle found out about Meagan
[x] Wear ‘long John’ underwear like the country bumpkins on Hee-haw wear because it’s 40 degrees below with the wind chill factor
[x] Stop wearing underwear altogether
[x] Learn the art of masturbation
[x] Go to Costa Rica on Spanish class trip
[x] Regret not wearing underwear while slow dancing with Janet from Spanish class
[x] Convince mom to buy me a Michael Jackson jacket
[x] Convince mom to buy me a Don Johnson jacket
[x] Wear a pink shirt with a Don Johnson jacket in public
[x] Wear a skinny tie with a spiderweb on it in public
[x] Wear checkered Converse high-tops
[x] Wear a mullet in public
[x] Survive the Eighties
[x] Lose virginity (Preferably to a girl)
[x] Thank her profusely for best time of life so far
[x] Get an STD
[x] Get treated for an STD
[x] Swear off women
[x] Swear back on women
Attain the height of at least 6 feet (still hopeful on this one)
Attain a penis length of at least 6 inches (beginning to lose hope)
Education/ Learning:
[x] Escape the education system relatively unharmed
[x] Learn to Bartend
[x] Learn to draw/paint well …despite what art teacher said
[x] Learn a martial art/ or boxing
[x] Learn to ice-skate (despite living in Tropics)
learn to make good rice & peas
[x] Learn to water-ski backwards
[x] Learn to snow-ski (cross-country will count)
[x] Learn to sail a boat
Learn to dance
Pets:
[x] Get a duck, parrot, pig, fish, chickens, snake, iguana, hampster
Get a monkey
Get a ferret
Get a Wookie
Acquisitions/ Losses:
[x] Own a skateboard
[x] Own a bicycle
[x] Own a car
[x] Own a very fast car
[x] Flip a very fast car and survive (barely)
[x] Own a waverunner
[x] Own a speed-boat
Own a sail-boat
[x] Steal something just for the hell of it
[x] Give something away just for the hell of it
[x] Build a house
[x] Lose a house in a divorce
[x] Lose a best friend to a girl
[x] Lose a girl to a best friend
Lose a girl to my lesbian friend
[x] Lose everything I own to a natural disaster… and move on
[x] Lose everything I own to a natural redhead… and move on
Lose $100,000 in Vegas and not care
Win a salsa/ or similar dance competition
Win a new car/ or boat
Win a sanctioned car race
Win a boat race
[x] Win a wave-runner race
[x] Win a foot-race
Win my $100,000 back in Vegas and lots more
Travel/ Exploration:
[x] Hack a luggie from the top of the CN tower (cold)
[x] Hack a 400 ft luggie from the cliffs of Moer in Ireland
Hack a luggie from a blimp
Hack a luggie onto Lindsay lohan’s pussy
[x] Tour all around Britain in an unsafe manner (*read drunk)
[x] See the ‘little mermaid’ statue in Denmark (meh…)
[x] Visit the ‘Sex museum’ in Copenhagen (Awesome!)
[x] Visit Mexico (vaguely remember it)
[x] Visit California (just like on TV)
[x] Visit Barbados (terrible coffee)
[x] Visit Florida, Texas, Key West, and New Orleans (pre-Katrina),
[x] Visit North Carolina (never again)
[x] Visit Canada, Guyana, Sweden, Costa Rica
Visit Trinidad & Tobago
Visit China, Singapore, Columbia, Panama, Japan, Cuba, Australia, Russia …and Vegas
Visit the Playboy Mansion
[x] See Disneyland, Sea World, Universal Studios, Busch gardens, Disney MGM and Epcott centre
Go to the Bunny-ranch (Nevada)
Go to a Broadway play
[x] Go to the Ringling Bro’s, Barnum & Bailey Circus
Go to see Cirque de Soleil perform live
Go to see an ‘adult’ Cirque de Soleil show live
[x] Get lost in rural area of Sweden
Get lost on a mountain-side
Get lost on a deserted island
Get lost underwater (hopefully survive)
Get lost in Halle Berry’s bedroom
[x] Climb up the side of a waterfall (Ireland)
[x] Climb a waterfall from inside the water (Jamaica)
[x] Bust my ass in a waterfall
[x] Walk across an entire city [Stockholm/ and London]
[x] Fly in an airplane
Fly in a Bi-plane
Have sex with a Bi-girl while flying in an airplane
Fly in a fighter-jet [or any other super-sonic plane will count]
Puke in a fighter-jet
[x] Tour West Edmonton Mall
Get locked-into West Ed. Mall at night
Food:
[x] Eat Ostrich
[x] Eat Bear (Northern Alberta – very chewy)
[x] Eat Alligator (New Orleans – delicious)
[x] Eat Turtle eggs (illegal – but try and prove I did it)
[x] Eat live Octopus (2 in Sweden – had to make sure I didn’t like it)
[x] Eat rattle/ or any other snake
Eat Monkey
Eat an entire Ostrich egg in one sitting
General milestones/experiences:
[x] Ride on the “underground” [or subway]
Ride on an ‘old-style’ train (steam)
[x] Ride on a regular cross country train
Ride on a bullet train
[x] Have at least five threesomes
[x] Get really, really drunk
[x] Get a girl pregnant
[x] Get married
[x] Get divorced
[x] Get tattoo’d
[x] Get ears pierced
[x] Get nipples pierced
[x] Get tongue pierced
Get penis pierced (…don’t think this one is going to happen)
Keep a houseplant alive for more than a year [a rubber tree will count]
Confrontation:
[x] Win a fight
[x] Lose a fight
[x] Win a fight with more than one opponent (animals count)
[x] Lose a fight with more than one opponent
[x] Barely survive a fight
[x] Get arrested by police (innocent of charges)
[x] Get arrested by police (guilty of charges)
[x] Be called a “cunt” by a policeman
[x] Stand trial for a crime
[x] Verbally abuse a security guard
[x] Get arrested by police in a foreign country (detained will count)
Get banned from entry to a foreign country (deported will count)
[x] Survive a really bad hurricane (2 in Cayman)
[x] Survive a really bad car-accident (3 in Cayman)
[x] Survive a tornado/multiple tornados (Edmonton)
[x] Experience/survive a hail-storm (Edmonton/ and London)
[x] Smoke Marijuana
[x] Spend 8-hours on a stranger’s couch thinking I pissed myself
[x] Find out it was NOT Marijuana
[x] Survive severe alcohol poisoning
[x] Go deep sea fishing & catch a large bill-fish
[x] Kill an animal with a gun
[x] Kill an animal with a bow & arrow
[x] Gut an animal bigger than myself

[x] Give up Killing animals for sport

[x] Spend a New Years eve in a hot-tub with strange girl …bleeding
[x] Require sutures
[x] Suture myself
Sports/ games:
[x] Play volleyball, football, cricket, dodge-ball, tennis, table-tennis, pool, darts, dominoes (I suck), scrabble, soft-ball, baseball, water-polo, basketball (I suck),
[x] Watch Wayne Gretzky play hockey live
[x] Watch Karch Kirily & Steve Timmons play volleyball live
Watch Michael Jordan play basketball live (don’t think this one’s happening)
Watch Tony Hawk skate live (still possible)
[x] Run a half-marathon [win not necessary]
Run a full-marathon [win not necessary]
[x] Do a triathlon
Do the ‘Iron-man triathlon
Celebrities:
[x] Meet Paris Hilton
Kill Paris Hilton
Strongly consider raping Paris before killing her
[x] Meet Sean Connery
Meet Morgan Freeman
Meet Andy Garcia
[x] Meet Gene Hackman
[x] Meet Mark Wahlberg
Meet Leslie Neilson
Meet Will Smith
Meet Jada Pinkett-Smith
Swing with Will and Jada
Sex:
[x] Master the art of Self-love
[x] Have sex with three consecutive gymnastics instructors
Have sex with Angelina Jolie
Have sex with Milla Jovovich
Have sex with Jessica Beal
Have sex with Jennifer Beals
Have sex with Paz Vega
Have sex with Penelope Cruz
Have sex with Jada while Will watches [ambitious, I know]
Have sex with Jessica Alba
[x] Have sex with at least five lesbians [bisexual girls will also count]
[x] Have sex with a woman twice my age
Have sex with a woman half my age [stripper or hooker counts]
Have sex with two women half my age… simultaneously
[x] Frequent a strip-club
[x] Get a lap-dance
[x] Get a lap-dance from two strippers simultaneously
[x] Have sex with a stripper
[x] Have sex with two strippers simultaneously
[x] Date a stripper
Have sex with a hooker
Date a hooker regularly
Introduce my two hooker girlfriends to my mom